Diary of a CEO

Dear diary,

On Monday I called into the office at 10 am. I was ushered straight into a meeting. Because of my phenomenal chairing skills a group of highly agreeable people, who all like to stay out of knowing any of the detail, were able to come together and agree to make more money for our company. Our courage to take on a considerable risk will result in stellar half yearly results. There is of course some risk of calamity for the company as the position matures over the next 18 months but, when we weighed the risks it was the right thing to do. In the months immediately after the results we expect the entire Senior Executive Team to be head hunted by other companies looking for talented executives like us. All in all a fabulous result that few others would have had the vision or courage to achieve and a darn good thing I won’t be holding the baby two years from now.

After my triumph at the meeting I dictated a few letters to my assistant and then went to a business lunch to celebrate. My luncheon chums were a group of gentlemen that I went to school with. They are all in similar positions to me now. An exciting and invigorating set of companions.

Annoyingly I was interrupted by a call about a crisis at the office. I made it quite clear who was responsible for resolving the issue. I also left the caller in no doubt about the potential career consequences for him of not having his group fixing things quietly and quickly.

In the afternoon I had a round of golf with the Chairman of the Board. We talked about business, but mostly about other things. I found him having a better set of clubs than me an utter distraction and I had a poor score as a result. This is very unusual as I am exceptionally talented golfer. Had I not become an executive then there is little doubt that I would be on the professional scene. As I changed back into my Yves Saint-Laurent suit I texted my assistant and asked her to spend the remainder of the day researching a better set of clubs for me to use in future.

Later I had dinner in the city with of my two group managers. They both owe me greatly for appointing them to their positions and so their grovelling pleased me greatly. Tonight they babbled about the problems that such small men have in their work. Seeking my approval for this or my blessing for that. I have risen to my position because of my superior decision making skills and my exceptional nose for risk. Few have skills and talents so refined as mine and I am completely underpaid when you consider what I bring to this company.

On the way home I glanced at memos and briefings that my assistant had prepared for me for the next day. Some entirely trivial matters that were too tiresome to warrant more than a glance.

The rest of the week was much the same except for Friday.

At 11 am on Friday I received my pay cheque. It totalled $997,377.  As I have already mentioned – a paltry compensation given my exemplary qualifications, uncommon skills and extensive social contact networks. Once this cheque was safely deposited in my bank account I promptly resigned. Later I will sell my complimentary stock options and pocket something like another $40 million. Best I unload them within the next year though eh!

It was a long first week in my new job and seeing as I was now a millionaire with more than enough money to live on for the rest of my life there is certainly no need to waste a a second week of my life.

[For the few that haven’t guessed – this is a purely fictional account! :)]

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