The artistry and romance of the toast

“A slice of hot, buttered toast is the perfect meal. It’s not too much and not too little, and it gives you just the right buzz”

Naveen Andrews


For the longest time I maintained a delusion that simple living was self sufficient living. I thought that at some point I’d be manufacturing all my replacements for simple household items. I maintained that delusion until I saw this attempt to reverse engineer a toaster.

Of course simple living is not self sufficient living. Simple living is quite simply to find alternative solutions without the need for money. There is nothing in the simple living code that suggests that one cannot harness the talents and inventory of others. That I think is the key difference between the two. In self sufficient living one must not rely on another living soul and life can be a harsh and brutal existence as a result. FYI these intrepid folks.

Still a simple living apprentice can always take a leaf from more intrepid sorts and try to fashion ones own solution to resource problems like I have done in our periods between electronic toasters. Of course the toaster is an incredibly complicated convenience device. Any fool can use one, but can that fool toast without a $29 device? Some will say it’s only 30 bucks, but there is very little to be gained giving such a concession because it becomes a slippery slope to economic slavery.

Myself, I have toasted on an open fire. I have toasted over a propane flame. I’ve toasted under an oven grill and I have toasted with a candle (hey I had the time). Until you have toasted two slices of bread on a single gas element while simultaneously cooking a family pot of porridge you haven’t lived my friends! In becoming a toast artisan I have grown to shun the unskilled manner that any half awake teenager toasts bread.

With my lover, a naked flame and our bread I demonstrate the unbounded abilities of an ace toastmaster extraordinaire. As she bites into the delicate slightly crispy wafer her eyes twinkle with delight. This is all the inspiration and appreciation the true bricoleur craftman needs and is there any more romantic expression than sharing a well toasted loaf? How easily I forget the endless ‘is it ready yet?’ complaints or the rash ‘we should just buy a flippin toaster’ comments.

For I am a master and toast is my canvass.

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